I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
