thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
