and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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