just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't deserve a penis
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
