theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
