There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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