1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
