I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
