I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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