Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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