my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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