He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
