I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
