My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
