Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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