I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We talked him into tasing himself.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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