I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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