these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
