Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There r osticjed everywhere
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
