do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
