you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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