Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
