youre lurking in front of me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
