I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.