I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed