There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers