Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize