apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
