I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
