stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
