OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
