I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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