what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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