i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
