Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
