well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
