..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
