Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
