Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
