I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Someone came in the potted fern
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
