my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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