I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I bet he comes in French.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
