Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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