Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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