My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
