so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Are we still banned from the library?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
