I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You're a waste of cheezeits
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
