champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
