Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

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(714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality. http://tfl.nu/yabq

Replies (10) Good night (825) Bad night (1073)
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(917): View more from New York City

what time did you get home last night?

(1-917): View more from New York City

SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time

(1-917): View more from New York City

He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott

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(917): what time did you get home last night? (1-917): SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time (1-917): He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott http://tfl.nu/lqla

Replies (16) Good night (1801) Bad night (900)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.

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(203): my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus. http://tfl.nu/bisy

Replies (9) Good night (728) Bad night (4069)
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(614): View more from Ohio

i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?

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(614): i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy? http://tfl.nu/94d5

Replies (47) Good night (1138) Bad night (6660)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it

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(815): I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it http://tfl.nu/no3b

Replies (14) Good night (1773) Bad night (4680)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.

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(919): I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight. http://tfl.nu/fd4p

Replies (4) Good night (1003) Bad night (2085)
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(619): View more from California

the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting

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(619): the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting http://tfl.nu/ov15

Replies (9) Good night (1461) Bad night (807)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.

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(501): It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool. http://tfl.nu/crm3

Replies (4) Good night (1989) Bad night (898)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.

(270): View more from Kentucky

No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

(618): View more from Illinois

Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.

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(618): Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you. (270): No, that's okay. Don't worry about it. (618): Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/gcov

Replies (45) Good night (3595) Bad night (1278)
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(775): View more from Nevada

"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.

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(775): "Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices. http://tfl.nu/nbbz

Replies (4) Good night (518) Bad night (814)
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(561): View more from Florida

I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly

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(561): I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly http://tfl.nu/d11t

Replies (12) Good night (851) Bad night (587)
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(623): View more from Arizona

He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.

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(623): He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix. http://tfl.nu/za16

Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (413)
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(928): View more from Arizona

YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?

(1-928): View more from Arizona

...and?

(928): View more from Arizona

I hate when you're right.

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(928): YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!? (1-928): ...and? (928): I hate when you're right. http://tfl.nu/4pb8

Replies (10) Good night (971) Bad night (447)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.

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(402): All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail. http://tfl.nu/8ssh

Replies (3) Good night (462) Bad night (285)
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(310): View more from California

Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.

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(310): Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent. http://tfl.nu/z8ey

Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (202)

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