i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices