Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...

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  (248): I fell asleep on the toilet again last night... http://tfl.nu/rzc7
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (920)
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  (631): View more from New York

  dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

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  (631): dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me. http://tfl.nu/uux2
  Replies (8) Good night (3321) Bad night (824)
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  (831): View more from California

  I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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  (831): I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines. (1-831): Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/f2l0
  Replies (15) Good night (3442) Bad night (682)
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  (310): View more from California

  u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

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  (310): u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5zha
  Replies (33) Good night (7313) Bad night (1221)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.

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  (651): She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three. http://tfl.nu/b36h
  Replies (17) Good night (835) Bad night (5199)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store

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  (520): just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store http://tfl.nu/shho
  Replies (12) Good night (3946) Bad night (1166)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

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  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (7462) Bad night (1173)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.

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  (615): Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span. http://tfl.nu/rd54
  Replies (36) Good night (6824) Bad night (1448)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her

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  (954): had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her http://tfl.nu/teql
  Replies (15) Good night (1092) Bad night (5517)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.

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  (603): A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you. http://tfl.nu/2hjp
  Replies (4) Good night (2725) Bad night (660)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.

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  (240): and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. http://tfl.nu/oorw
  Replies (3) Good night (4178) Bad night (774)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?

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  (513): One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that? http://tfl.nu/b48m
  Replies (4) Good night (1356) Bad night (494)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off

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  (913): I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off http://tfl.nu/aizm
  Replies (5) Good night (686) Bad night (897)
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  (415): View more from California

  My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.

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  (415): My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me. http://tfl.nu/kvah
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (416)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat

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  (440): I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat http://tfl.nu/9vl7
  Replies (3) Good night (659) Bad night (618)

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