we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.