2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.