Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok