you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.