O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
