i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
