Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
