After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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