He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
