thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
