TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
