Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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