Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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