i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is wine microwaveable?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
