Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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