last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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