Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
