How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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