I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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