He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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