Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
