I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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