We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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