Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
FUCK WHALES
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
