sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
