fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
