I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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