I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
