Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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