tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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