No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
