I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
