im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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