I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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